V/H/S (2012)

Director(s): Matt Bettinelli-Oplin, David Bruckner, Tyler Gillet, Justin Martinez,Glenn McQuaid, Joe Swanberg, Chad Villella, Ti West, Adam Wingard, Radio Silence

Writer(s): Brad Miska (concept), Simon Barett, David Bruckner, Nicholas Tecosky, Ti West, Glenn McQuaid, Radio Silence, Matt Bettinelli-Oplin, Tyler Gillett, Justin Martinez, Chad Villella

Starring: Calvin Reeder, Hannah Fierman, Mike Donlan, Joe Swanberg, Drew Moerlein

 

My relationship with this movie is analogous to a fun romantic comedy. Stay with me folks. We start off with the guy who meets the girl under weird circumstances, only to realize later on in the flick that although the first meeting was odd, love had blossomed as he got to know her better. The two give each other quirky smirk as the credits roll to some cool Indie rock band that’s hip at the time.

During a lazy Friday night where going out seemed more like a chore than a prospect for fun, I decided to have a night in and invited my sister and brother in law for a nice hang out at my pad. Bourbon was the drink of choice for the night, actually according to my brother in law; the only bourbon that exists is what I like to refer to as The Devil’s Urine, E&J. It’s efficient, effective and of course, cheap. While the shots began to pour in my humble yet cozy pad, I decided to throw something on the TV screen as background noise in order to elevate the already engaging conversation. I had heard through my normal horror channels that an excellent horror flick was floating around called V/H/S that mixed horror anthology with the oh-so popular found-footage sub-genre. Being a fan of anthology horror movies, (at this point, let’s all say a collective DUH) I was delighted to see it was available for streaming on Netflix. It took little convincing to have my sister and brother in law on board seeing they were both fans of horror flicks so the movie began to stream as planned…as well as the third shot of E&J.

Now, I understand that alcohol usually elevates a social occasion but the viewing of V/H/S took a backseat to conversations about life, love, politics, etc. which was of course fueled by the Devil’s urine. I only saw glimpses of V/H/S; a scary lady with teeth, some sort of lesbian love thing, blood spattering in the woods and various hands breaking through the wall. My usual affinity for the kill scenes, creature makeup and some sort of plot were not present. My brain was being tickled by a bunch of bourbon pixies at the time and couldn’t handle concentrating on the movie that was in front of me. Although I intended this flick to be simply background noise, I noticed the glimpses I did see looked absolutely interesting. A part of me started to feel bad for the movie, like a date that I had treated badly due to circumstance, a quirky misunderstanding if you will. I wanted to watch the movie, I really did but I had family over and we were having a great time drinking horrible bourbon, I’m sorry!

For fun, I’ll give my E&J Bourbon interpretations of the horror shorts from this flick!

 

Amateur Night – A group of horny dudes picked the wrong chick-a-dee to mess with…YIKES.

 

Second Honeymoon – What a twist, wait what?!? Chicks suck dude.

 

Tuesday the 17^th – Oh boy, one of these stories is based in the woods? That Blair Witch crap traumatized me FO LIFE.

 

The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger – Skype chatting is cool, that dude looks like a tool though, that chick is pretty cute…wait, wait WHAAAAT?!? Geez!

 

 

10/31/98 – They should TOTALLY turn this into a maze at Halloween Haunt…seriously dude, seriously. It would make tons of money hahaha!

Tape 56 – These stupid dudes don’t even KNOW, it’s like they don’t even KNOW what’s going to happen! Hahahaha Stupid dudes.

 

The next day I woke up with a sour stomach and a feeling of regret, not for the copious amounts of bourbon drank the night before but for the neglect of a movie that had potential. A part of me then thought, why couldn’t I give this a second viewing? We are now at an age where a simple press of a button plays the movie immediately right? Darn Tootin’! So I chugged a bottle of water and gave V/H/S a second viewing, the viewing it deserved. OH BOY. From the opening credits I was already on board; I remember in my drunken stupor certain images that seemed to pop out in my head and now I was looking forward to seeing them in detail. Although, I’ve always been weary of found-footage films due to the nausea that The Blair Witch flick caused in my teen years, this was done in a way where the shaky cam became second fiddle to the clever creepy storytelling and the impressive makeup and/or effects! I found myself enthralled watching this movie, getting a crush by the time the first story ended and began to fall in love by the time the credits started to roll. This is modern anthology at its best, the short, sweet bursts of horror and gore that I enjoy were jumping off the screen!

By the end of the movie I had a quirky smirk on my face.

Roll credits.