There are some things I need to know for my job. Do we have Incredible Hulk #181 in stock? (Currently: No.) How much is Superman #75 still in the bag? ($10 if you’re lucky) And “is it true that _____ really died?” (Yes, but unless you’re asking about Uncle f*cking Ben, don’t worry they will probably be coming back at some point.)

Those and many others I have openly accepted but one thing that still makes me laugh is how customers assume I will watch every single comic book related movie, even if it wasn’t a massively popular book. Now, I understand that because I work at a comic shop and I usually love this industry to an almost detrimental extent the chances of me wanting to watch these movies are high. However, occasionally there will be a movie I have no interest in seeing and it blows people’s minds. For instance, Man of Steel.

When it was first reported they were making a new Superman movie I smiled and nodded but I didn’t lose my shit over the news. But David Goyer was writing the script! But they got Zack Snyder to direct it! And Christopher Nolan was producing! None of that was swaying me. More smiling and nodding. I didn’t want to take that excitement away from people, let them be happy. I also don’t go to malls during Christmas time and rip the beards off Santas in front of crowds of children. THEN, oh man then it was speculated that the long-awaited and constantly-in-development Justice League film would hinge on the success of Man of Steel. That is when I lost my shit.

I really couldn’t care less about rebooting the movie franchises for Superman or Batman and I’m pretty indifferent at best for Wonder Woman but Holy Shitsnacks a Justice League movie?! Whenever a customer would bring it up I would sheepishly admit that even though I grew up a Marvel kid I think I’ve wanted a Justice League movie so much longer than I wanted an Avengers one and that’s because even in my wildest dreams I could not imagine the gem that Joss created. But as an avid fan of the DCAU (DC Animated Universe, you plebeians should know that already) I knew they had it so perfect already, why has it taken so long to make a live-action?!

I felt like I hostage. I needed Man of Steel to do well but at the same time I still was not excited in the least. Maybe it’s because I am extremely picky about which Superman stories I read. The idea that they wanted to make it a “darker, edgier” Superman almost didn’t even register because why the shit would you want to make such an iconic character like Superman “gritty”? He inspires hope for a better world, he brings out everyone’s inner Anne Frank and makes you believe that maybe good people do exist. He’s a beacon of light in a world of danger and fear. He’s THE superhero. So why wasn’t I getting that vibe from Man of Steel?

Patrick and I knew the crowds would be insane so we decided to wait until Monday morning to watch it. Instead we happily saw This is the End for the second time. It wasn’t until last night when we met up with Justin, Nathan, and our other good friend Victor for a midnight presentation of the Scott Pilgrim Picture Show that we heard any real reactions. As we stood outside of the Art Theatre in Long Beach, I’m almost 100% certain the same place I saw Rocky Horror at midnight as a teenager, our friends indulged why they felt dirty after Man of Steel.

I’ll keep this article spoiler free. In fact, since I technically still haven’t seen it I can’t properly give any spoilers accurately but I will say I’m even less inclined to watch it. Of course I have to but now it’s purely out of occupational obligation. I need to see it because I need to stay current at work. I still haven’t seen Cowboys and Aliens but people don’t really care because that movie had its 15 minutes and probably won’t be remembered by many. But this is Superman for god’s sake, woman! How can you NOT watch it?

The answer: very easily. I would rather watch This is the End again. Better yet, I have Avengers at home; I would rather watch that. Last night, we watched Scott Pilgrim vs. the World done in a Rocky Horror-esque fashion and it was so much fun! Even though we were all exhausted and there were a dozen or so drunk idiots the atmosphere was awesome and I could easily see myself doing that again. I won’t go into more details though because I’m sure our resident Scott Pilgrim aficionado, Agent Nathan, will want to talk more on the subject but I will say that’s what I want out of a comic book movie. I don’t need it to be 100% accurate to the source material, I just need it to resemble the thing I already love. I don’t need a cast full of big names, I need people who can take these characters off the page and make it real. And finally, I don’t need a “more realistic” take. That’s ridiculous. Superheroes are interesting because they aren’t normal. If I wanted to watch someone in a downward spiral of shame and bad choices I’m sure Keeping Up with the Kardashians is on Netflix.

http://www.agentsofguard.com/comic-shop-girl-confessions-not-meeting-expectations/