Okay, so what the fuggity WHAT is going on at Marvel?

Edgar Wright leaves Ant-Man over “Creative Differences” with Marvel.

…no.

Just no, dammit, NO. Marvel. Don’t make me get the hose on you. This is it. Right here. This is when Marvel sipped its own Koolaid. Just sat down, looked its own hubris right in the eye, blinked, and then took a big ol’ swig of stupid.

Don’t do this. Apologize. Apologize right now, and stop thinking you’re the Big Cheese. You’re not, as of this moment. We lauded you because you CHOSE the right creative minds to helm each movie. Jon Favreau on Iron Man? Excellent. Joe Johnston on Captain America? Fantastic. Kenneth Branagh on Thor? Superb. Joss Whedon on The Avengers? HELL YES WITH A HIGH FIVE AND WALLET BLED DRY.

But hold your high horses, Marvel! Hold on. What was the key ingredient after you chose the right people? KEEPING YOUR DAMN MITTS OF THE PROJECTS. Let the creative people do the creative stuff, and shut your pie hole till the money comes rolling…? No, tumbling? Nay… Avalanching in!

You had one job, Marvel! (Okay, probably a lot of behind the scenes jobs) But ONE JOB! Choose the right person for the movie! You did that for Ant-Man! In two thousand fuggity SIX! In the year of our lord 2006 A.D., you had Edgar Wright signed onto Ant-Man. Edgar tap-dancing Wright! So in the eight years of him working on this project, when did you forget your own golden rule?

Was it in the past when he made two seasons of the best TV show I’ve ever seen?

 

Was it when he made the funniest Zom-Rom-Com ever?

 

Or how about the genius buddy cop flick that showcased his badass gun fights?

 

Could it have been when he made one of the most visually gorgeous, movie adaptations of a comic? Also filled to the brim with jaw-dropping fight scenes?

 

Or maybe… maybe it was when he made a movie that took everything he’s learned from his entire career and raised the bar on film in general? Mixing action with heart-felt character moments that showed actual growth?

 

What was it, Marvel? When did you stop trusting actual talent, earned from hard work and passion? When did you decide to step in so much that it made Wright step out? I write all of this with such vitriol because the loss of Edgar Wright is a sign of what’s in store for fans in Phase 3. Which is to say, nothing of what made Phase 1 so absolutely exciting and brilliant.

Do you think that I was really interested in an Ant-Man movie?  Not really!  Not until I saw the test footage.  Which was amazing!  It made me rethink everything about Ant-Man.  That’s how good Edgar Wright is!  He can make me give an actual damn about Ant-Man.  The man is magic!  Can I get a Yarp?

So go back to the formula that made you so much Odin-damned money:

1. Choose the right people.
2. Back the f**k off.
3. Enjoy the profits.

You need not do anything else, Marvel Studios. You are a portion of why the Marvel Universe movies have been such a success. Not the sum. Apologize to Edgar Wright. Apologize to the fan base. And then get back to work.

Don’t make me come over there!